Lost and found spark

After being in overdrive, the past few weeks leading up to the Suva Open Tennis, come the last week of August, for some unbeknown reason, I felt like I had lost my spark.

I got back from Suva feeling tired and well a bit sore from that boxfit session, but I noticed my eating habits was everything junk and fast food. I didn’t even resume with my tennis lessons, gym or Pilates because I had no inspiration or motivation and just felt deflated. I would stay in bed right before there was enough time to get up and get ready to go to work.

I would come home from work, Netflix while eating fast food, shower and sleep but doomscroll till extreme hours and not even get enough sleep. I would show up every day and still push through, but I felt like shit. (I have no better words to describe this feeling).

Last week, while feeling like a failure, I remembered encouraging an old friend that we tend to lose that spark every so often, but we have to push through somehow, go through the motions and get to the other side. She was feeling the same- lost spark.  Mind you, I remembered this while I ate through an entire big mac meal, followed up with demolishing an entire packet of tim tams, lots of soft drinks and alcohol and well, more snacks.

While I indulged in debauchery, I also realized that during this week I was projecting my anger at a friend of mine, but then it really wasn’t his fault at all. It was me and my misery of self-doubt, lack of confidence, lack of exercise and good nutrition.

Just over the weekend I was telling my friend how I didn’t feel good about my body, I felt like (again) shit. I like to set my own personal deadlines when it comes to getting my shit together, like how a new month is around the corner (or a new week), so I had this last week in August to rot away, feel sorry for myself, be miserable, eat fast food and junk and overindulge.

I force myself to go through the motions though, I cry myself through it, listen to podcasts and anything motivational because it really helps me realign to my goals. Hack- listen or watch anything motivational (it works for me!). And the biggest hack- it's all in the mind! I really have to force myself to think positive, focus on the positive. Living alone, means that it takes ALOT and I can't even express how much strength it takes to rely on myself, to get out of feeling down in the dumps and sparkless.

So now you know, everyone puts out what they want you to see on social media, the struggles no one really does. Even I rarely do, although I do write about it here on my blog. But as September starts, so does my reset!

Also, you guys it’s the last three months to 2026! And now that I have switched that switch in my brain and found my spark, I plan on sparkling my way to the end of this year! Hope you do to!